Recently... I've been feeling like I'm not the right person for this. Like I don't love the girls well enough or spend enough time with them or say the right things to them or communicate with them well enough. I feel like I shouldn't have come and that someone else should have come with Allie. Not me. I feel helpless and useless and I don't know what to do. I know that the girls have a specific schedule and there isn't a whole lot of time to spend with them, and I know that we aren't familiar with the way Jessy runs things, etc, but it's still really hard on me. Right now I'm just kind of confused and feeling a little lost... I guess I'm just struggling to find my place here... And still trying to figure out how to love the girls well. I don't know if that makes any sense... I know that our trip isn't measured by how much we do, but I still struggle with it because I'm not used to the slower pace here... So if I could have prayer for that it would be great. Thanks :)
Hey Jenny, (and Allie),
ReplyDeleteI am so glad you got to eat with the right after you had,asked for prayer. But I still wanted to just write and encourage you a bit because 4 months is a rather long time. I know I mentioned in an earlier comment how God always has his own agenda in our lives personally during these amazing kinds of experiences that are so far outside our normal lives. Just when we make plans, it all seems to fall apart and its not until we have clear hindsight, we see his hand and the bigger picture of his purpose. It wasn't unravelling after all, but unfolding. On one trip I took to Mexico, I was so excited because we were building some buildings for an orphanage there, and it felt like such a tangible way to show love. Everyone on the team got assigned to various teams, concrete, rebar, etc. The team leaders who I knew quite well asked me to work in the tool "shed", a room on the end of an existing mud building that was about 10 feet deep and 5 feet wide. There was no window and I only had light by leaving the door open. There was a table and a couple shelves on the wall, covered in old coffee tins filled with jumbled, rusted nails, screws, nuts and bolts and dirt. It was my job the entire two weeks to stand in that dark little room, all day long, and sort screws. At first I was seriously disappointed. How was this going to be Jesus to ANYONE?! Actually, I was pissed. But the job needed done, and the reason I was in Mexico was to serve any where I was needed. So slowly my attitude changed. I was never stoked on being in that dust little stale room, but I had some amazing conversations with the Father. He gave me songs, and spoke some very deep things to my heart. Those two weeks ended up being incredibly poignant and encouraging to me, and my work was a blessing and a help to my entire team, facilitating their work. The idea that you are the wrong person to be there, while probably easy to believe, is such a lie. You would never have felt pulled to go. We all must be crazy to do this stuff! Which is exactly why Jesus called YOU! :) Every day is its own season. You have so many people supporting you, because they know what God has always known; that you are the one uniquely created to meet an exact need, in this moment! And that goes for both of you! ;) Love- Priscilla
eat with the *girls
ReplyDelete;)
Thank you so much Priscilla! That was very encouraging :) I never knew you went to Mexico! That is so awesome! I'm so glad that you experienced the things you did, even though you may not have liked it at first. It sounds like the Lord really used that time to strengthen and encourage you. And it helped me too! :) I love you! Thank you for all your support! God bless you! :)
ReplyDelete